A Conversation

I recently had a conversation with someone and asked this person, “Why do you choose to be with the person you are with? There must be a reason, right?”

He answered, “I don’t really know. Emotions are hard to put into words.”

I sat for a while and thought about this unsatisfying answer. I have to disagree. If a person is unable to verbally express why it is they are pursuing a romantic relationship with another person then it seems to follow that there aren’t really any good reasons. This person has not fully thought out which specific values they desire in a partner and blindly enters into any relationship that “feels” right.

I realize that some people are not good with words but something as important as a romantic relationship warrants at least an attempt.

It made me reflect for a minute which values and qualities I desire in a man. I compiled a short (but not nearly exhaustive) list of things I want in a partner/relationship:

Trust

Honesty

Monogamy

Funny

Intellectual

Content

Satisfied

Goal-oriented

I realize that this represents the ideal man/relationship and that (unable to avoid being too cliché) not everyone is perfect. Not to say I embody all of these things, either, but that these are the things I strive to be and so should the person I choose to be with. There are (or at least should be) reasons why a person has the emotions that they do.

When confronted with the proposition that it just “feels” right and there are no reasons behind that feeling, a person should question what the motives of that individual are. Many times the emotions of being with another person are masked by a feeling of not wanting to be alone. Fear guides this person into whatever relationship is comfortable and once the “honeymoon phase” ends then there is nothing left to support the relationship.

The decision to be with another person must have reasons based on what this person values and not based simply on a “feeling.”