World AIDS Day

I am so excited about World AIDS Day that is coming up December 1. My immune system is already weakening with excitement that I can hardly stay alive. I realize that it is still two whole months away and that this post is a little early but I just can’t hold it in anymore. Just like all white people, I love events that occur one day a year to celebrate/memorialize/commemorate a certain group of people. It just happens that people with AIDS are my FAVORITE group of people (with black people in close second).

I am in a bit of a dilemma, though. I can’t quite decide what to dress up as. Here are a couple of ideas I have so far…

1. Full-blown AIDS

2. Man with a caved-in face

3. A protease inhibitor

4. Or just be HIV

I wonder if there will be a POZ Pride Parade to go along with the festivities this year… I suspect that if there is one then Walgreen would be the grand marshall (or perhaps Pfizer). I can just imagine the chants of the people in the parade - now we stand here broken-hearted, for all the victims who’ve departed - as this year’s theme song “Oops I Did It Again” by Britney Spears plays in the background. The usual gay cheerleaders will be in the parade except they are not skinny because they are anorexic and/or bulimic. No, it’s because they are wasting away from their AIDS medication! (Gosh, just kidding. Why you so serious?)

Speaking of theme songs, what do you suppose the theme song for super AIDS would be? Perhaps “Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger” by Daft Punk?

Be sure to send me costume ideas and I hope to see you at the POZ Pride Parade, if not before!

Coat Check, Please!

Last Sunday I went to Northend with BF #4 and two of his friends (just friends?) to have a couple drinks. For those of you that have never been to Northend, it is a sports oriented bar. I have never been a huge sports fanatic but I have never hated them either and anything coupled with alcohol can never be that bad of an idea (except maybe AIDS and alcohol - that could be a deadly combination).

It just happened to be the Bears first game of the season and, as a result, the bar was brimming with MASC men! (I won’t dare delve into the topic of homo-eroticism and football in this post.) Never had I seen so many queeny guys congregating in one place attempting to demonstrate to one another that they too can be butchy. Apparently, all one needs to do to be masc is to wear one’s baseball cap backwards (or a football jersey or a jersey of any sports team for that matter) and spout off some football jargon every once in a while. Voila!

I have to admit that in the midst of this identity conundrum I still managed to have loads (and by loads I mean cum loads.. jk lol.. just pretend I didn’t say that) of fun! I had just as much or even more fun than had I stayed out until 5 a.m. at the RE-Berlins. Not only did I intermittently watch some of the football game, I managed to come in last in a dart competition, win one out of four games of pool, and chug three beers. At this point you may be asking yourself how an attractive, brilliant, intellectual, genius like myself could possibly have fun on a night like that. Well, there is a simple (and by simple I mean brilliant) explanation for that.

Most intellectuals like to congregate amongst themselves, discuss the most pressing issues, engage in AIDS related banter, and compliment themselves on how brilliant they are. Well, not ME! Unlike most intellectuals, as I catwalk my sexy self through the slew of half-naked bodies of men and make my way to the coat check, not only do I check my 100% pure leather couture jacket and matching scarf (VERY expensive, you probably couldn’t afford it) but I also check my intellect as well. Now, with the faculty of reasoning and understanding gone, I can have all the drunken, retarded fun I want just like all the other queens!

So, the next time you find yourself quietly sitting in the corner of your neighborhood gay bar having a lousy time just march your proud (and by proud I mean gay) self up to coat check and rid yourself of the brilliance (that your friends never get) and just have fun!

Drama

I’ve had it up to here (gestures with hand) with those typical queeny fags who go out to the clubs every single night. You know the kind - the ones that like to get their rocks off by gossiping and stirring up trouble. I suppose that’s why so many of them are hair stylists. What better environment to gossip than in a club and a hair salon.

To that fucker that deemed it necessary to incite problems with my boyfriend and me by making unsubstantiated and entirely untrue claims about me: I will fuck you up.

A Conversation

I recently had a conversation with someone and asked this person, “Why do you choose to be with the person you are with? There must be a reason, right?”

He answered, “I don’t really know. Emotions are hard to put into words.”

I sat for a while and thought about this unsatisfying answer. I have to disagree. If a person is unable to verbally express why it is they are pursuing a romantic relationship with another person then it seems to follow that there aren’t really any good reasons. This person has not fully thought out which specific values they desire in a partner and blindly enters into any relationship that “feels” right.

I realize that some people are not good with words but something as important as a romantic relationship warrants at least an attempt.

It made me reflect for a minute which values and qualities I desire in a man. I compiled a short (but not nearly exhaustive) list of things I want in a partner/relationship:

Trust

Honesty

Monogamy

Funny

Intellectual

Content

Satisfied

Goal-oriented

I realize that this represents the ideal man/relationship and that (unable to avoid being too cliché) not everyone is perfect. Not to say I embody all of these things, either, but that these are the things I strive to be and so should the person I choose to be with. There are (or at least should be) reasons why a person has the emotions that they do.

When confronted with the proposition that it just “feels” right and there are no reasons behind that feeling, a person should question what the motives of that individual are. Many times the emotions of being with another person are masked by a feeling of not wanting to be alone. Fear guides this person into whatever relationship is comfortable and once the “honeymoon phase” ends then there is nothing left to support the relationship.

The decision to be with another person must have reasons based on what this person values and not based simply on a “feeling.”

Fidelity

I’ve always held myself atop a pedestal in regards to the typical gay relationship. I always seriously consider the man I choose to be with. There is one thing that I hold superior to all else when it comes to a relationship - fidelity. I have never and will never cheat on my boyfriend. Monogamy is a trait I highly value and to be accused of not staying true to my man pangs my inner most being. It always hurts to be accused of something you didn’t do but in regards to something you value so highly it hurts in a way that can not be described. It is this indescribable feeling that I am experiencing tonight.

Several weeks ago I was talking to a friend of mine and made the comment that I have never cheated on any of my boyfriends to which he replied, “Really? I’ve cheated on ALL of mine.” Staying faithful to my boyfriend has never been difficult for me. When I find someone that I deeply care about I never feel the need to seek sexual gratification with another man. I fully commit myself to this individual and to the relationship. I choose to be with him and only him, not out of obligation but out of pleasure.

“A hundred times I wanted to kill myself, but still I loved life. This ridiculous weakness for living is perhaps one of our most fatal tendencies. For can anything be silier than to insist on carrying a burden one would continually much rather throw to the ground? Sillier than to feel disgust at one’s own existence and yet cling to it? Sillier, in short, than to clasp to our heart?”

“‘I’m afraid to say,’ said Candide, ‘that it’s a mania for insisting that all is well when things are going badly.’”

- Quotes from Candide