Love.

"Love is a chemical process which causes delusion."

Spring Rain

The cold, rainy days of spring are somewhat depressing.

This marks the end of all my previous posts from my other blog. All posts from now on will be correctly dated.
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Dreamland

We are standing in the kitchen as if we had done so a thousand other nights. The weather is cool and a slight breeze permeates the air. My parents are here this time. I think it odd at first, to have you and them together, but the more I think, the more natural it seems.

I complain about things. You listen. Like you always do. Listening has always been something you do well. You know just the right thing to say during each pause. Ten measures of music followed by one measure of rest. Other nights,
we exchange roles, although the song is the same. Tonight, I am the
music, you are my rest.

You are in my room as I enter. I sit down on the bed. You then offer me help to the problems I had mentioned earlier. Help that I never expected… but perhaps should have.

“You don’t have to do that,” I say. “Really, it’s unnecessary.”

“But I want to. I care about you and I want to help,”

I slowly get up from the bed. I walk over towards you and wrap my arms around you. Your embrace always soothes away the most wearisome of days, but today it is has a feeling like I never felt before. I smile. We hold one another as if the world is ending.

“I wish this could last forever,” you whisper in my ear.

We hold each other tighter. I can imagine myself in no better place than in your sweet embrace. We then stand here, silently, gazing into each other’s eyes. Your cute smile withers away all my worries.

“I can tell you’re a really great guy.”

I squeeze you tighter as the words fall out of your mouth. My heart beats faster. My mind races in every direction.

I then awake from this mockery of reality to find myself alone. I rollover in bed and clutch my pillow. For now this will have to do.

Untitled

trying to convince the unconvinceable
with such precise precision presiding over each decision
of where to place, where to position each repetition -
i love you, i love you, i love you, i love you
of where to place, where to position each repetition -
i love you, i love you, i love you, i love you

each meeting always mixed
with the fixed idea of who did what and where and to whom
always erupting, disrupting our speech as we each preach
to the other as if a mother admonishing her child

confrontation compounding compounding compounding until
rationality and its counter clash into a crash
into a frantic dash of emotion and the notion of who was always right
and we fight into the night not knowing
it was neither you
nor I who was always right

those long long nights filled with fights
only accomplished one thing
always always always
causing compromise to end in goodbyes

Single Ladies!

World AIDS Day

I am so excited about World AIDS Day that is coming up December 1. My immune system is already weakening with excitement that I can hardly stay alive. I realize that it is still two whole months away and that this post is a little early but I just can’t hold it in anymore. Just like all white people, I love events that occur one day a year to celebrate/memorialize/commemorate a certain group of people. It just happens that people with AIDS are my FAVORITE group of people (with black people in close second).

I am in a bit of a dilemma, though. I can’t quite decide what to dress up as. Here are a couple of ideas I have so far…

1. Full-blown AIDS

2. Man with a caved-in face

3. A protease inhibitor

4. Or just be HIV

I wonder if there will be a POZ Pride Parade to go along with the festivities this year… I suspect that if there is one then Walgreen would be the grand marshall (or perhaps Pfizer). I can just imagine the chants of the people in the parade - now we stand here broken-hearted, for all the victims who’ve departed - as this year’s theme song “Oops I Did It Again” by Britney Spears plays in the background. The usual gay cheerleaders will be in the parade except they are not skinny because they are anorexic and/or bulimic. No, it’s because they are wasting away from their AIDS medication! (Gosh, just kidding. Why you so serious?)

Speaking of theme songs, what do you suppose the theme song for super AIDS would be? Perhaps “Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger” by Daft Punk?

Be sure to send me costume ideas and I hope to see you at the POZ Pride Parade, if not before!

BANNED!!!

I love it when people ban things.

They like to ban plastic bags…

“Last year, San Francisco became the first U.S. city to ban the bags [plastic bags] from supermarkets and chain drug stores, and this month, the city of Westport, Conn., banned most kinds of plastic bags at retail checkout counters. Boston, Baltimore and Portland, Ore., are also considering bans.”

Fast food restaurants…

“A law that would bar fast-food restaurants from opening in South Los Angeles for at least a year sailed through the Los Angeles City Council on Tuesday.”

Cell phones in crosswalks…

“A state senator from Brooklyn said on Tuesday he plans to introduce legislation that would ban people from using an MP3 player, cell phone, Blackberry or any other electronic device while crossing the street in New York City and Buffalo.

“NewsChannel 4 reported that Sen. Carl Kruger is proposing the ban in response to two recent pedestrian deaths in his district, including a 23-year-old man who was struck and killed last month while listening to his iPod on Avenue T and East 71st Street In Bergen Beach.”

If somethings SOUNDS dangerous then you can probably expect someone somewhere is proposing a ban to help keep YOU safe. I love how everyone is always looking out for me. I feel like those little amoebas in the ocean that are on the endangered species list who receive thousands of dollars in aid every year to help keep them alive. If it weren’t for HUMANS what would ANIMALS do?! Probably go extinct!

With so many people wanting to ban something, I have a couple things I’d like to ban, too.

THINGS TO BAN:

1. PEOPLE who like to play games.

2. Having sex at the gym (oh, wait, that’s what I like to do!).

3. Chicken bones on the bus (except for black people).

4. Black people (jk lol).

5. Breayd trucks (they cause too much confusion).

6. Guys who are ugly in the face (or have a caved in face).

Feel free to add to the list if there is anything you would like to never see again. If we can just stick together then I am sure we can get it banned!

I Lost My Grip

To quote a wise man, “Sometimes you start to lose your grip, but if you’re smart, it is during these times that you learn things you never knew.”

Well, I am retarded; therefore, I lost my grip. But, I was smart enough to realize that I had lost my grip and took the necessary actions to rectify the situation. There comes a time when a person’s “roll” must come to a screeching halt. Mine has. The days of having my cake and eating it too have come to an end! I pulled the reins ever so gently (or as gently as the situation allowed) and said, “Woah!” I am happy to say that for the time being I have regained my grip.

But sometimes I wish the government would just bail me out of my ridiculous predicaments rather than me having to deal with all of the problems that I caused upon myself. People make mistakes and I shouldn’t be held accountable for ALL of the things I do wrong. Relationships as we know them could cease to exist if I am not bailed out of my problems. The entire infrastructure could collapse! Left would be right, bottom would be top, cheating would be monogamy, gay would be straight, and AIDS would be a RASH! You see, if I am continually losing my grip there is no other choice than a government bailout.

So, if you ever see me beginning to lose my grip, stop for a minute and think - Do I really want everything I know to be true to become inverted?

(The answer is no.)

Coat Check, Please!

Last Sunday I went to Northend with BF #4 and two of his friends (just friends?) to have a couple drinks. For those of you that have never been to Northend, it is a sports oriented bar. I have never been a huge sports fanatic but I have never hated them either and anything coupled with alcohol can never be that bad of an idea (except maybe AIDS and alcohol - that could be a deadly combination).

It just happened to be the Bears first game of the season and, as a result, the bar was brimming with MASC men! (I won’t dare delve into the topic of homo-eroticism and football in this post.) Never had I seen so many queeny guys congregating in one place attempting to demonstrate to one another that they too can be butchy. Apparently, all one needs to do to be masc is to wear one’s baseball cap backwards (or a football jersey or a jersey of any sports team for that matter) and spout off some football jargon every once in a while. Voila!

I have to admit that in the midst of this identity conundrum I still managed to have loads (and by loads I mean cum loads.. jk lol.. just pretend I didn’t say that) of fun! I had just as much or even more fun than had I stayed out until 5 a.m. at the RE-Berlins. Not only did I intermittently watch some of the football game, I managed to come in last in a dart competition, win one out of four games of pool, and chug three beers. At this point you may be asking yourself how an attractive, brilliant, intellectual, genius like myself could possibly have fun on a night like that. Well, there is a simple (and by simple I mean brilliant) explanation for that.

Most intellectuals like to congregate amongst themselves, discuss the most pressing issues, engage in AIDS related banter, and compliment themselves on how brilliant they are. Well, not ME! Unlike most intellectuals, as I catwalk my sexy self through the slew of half-naked bodies of men and make my way to the coat check, not only do I check my 100% pure leather couture jacket and matching scarf (VERY expensive, you probably couldn’t afford it) but I also check my intellect as well. Now, with the faculty of reasoning and understanding gone, I can have all the drunken, retarded fun I want just like all the other queens!

So, the next time you find yourself quietly sitting in the corner of your neighborhood gay bar having a lousy time just march your proud (and by proud I mean gay) self up to coat check and rid yourself of the brilliance (that your friends never get) and just have fun!